Where did I go? January 24, 2018 by Jill GanskeMy whole life growing up, I wanted to be a mama. So much so that at 19, when I met my now husband I told him, “I want to be a stay at home mom, if that’s not something that interests you in a wife, we probably shouldn’t even date…” Dramatic much? Yup. But I was honest and straight forward about it because I knew in my heart of hearts I wanted to be a mama, and I wanted to be the person who raised those babies. Fast forward a few years… we graduated college, started a business together, bought a home close to where my husband was originally from, got a puppy, and got married. On track, right? A year into being married, I decided it was time to start working on that mama thing, and was super bummed to realize my husband wasn’t ready for that. Later when he finally was on board, I was more bummed to realize getting pregnant wasn’t going to come easily to my body. I need to back up here and say I grew up in a town with friends always right outside to play with, then moved to a dorm room where I could simply yell and would have someone to visit with, and then to a house I rented with three good friends. I had spent my whole life having people around me to talk to and hang out with. And now, I was a newlywed in the woods outside of a town where I really didn’t know anyone, wishing so desperately to have someone to spend my days with. Of course I had my husband, but he was so wrapped up in trying to get a company off the ground when the economy was in the dumps, that I often didn’t feel like I had him either. It took almost a year (which I know is still substantially shorter than what it can take some couples), and we were finally expecting. Now I’ll be content, right? Not quite. That sweet little girl who I had prayed for, spent the first two months of her life crying and completely exhausting me. My mother was going through chemotherapy and radiation at the time, and I still didn’t know anyone in my area, so unless I loaded up that little baby and drove three hours to be at my parents’ place, we were isolated in our home. Two and a half years later, daughter number two joined our family, and a year and a half after that, daughter number three became the most beautiful surprise we could have imagined. By this point I had finally gotten to know a couple of moms in our area and could at least see some other grown-ups occasionally. But I began to realize I didn’t know myself all that well anymore. I had what I always wanted, three beautiful babies who I was able to stay home with full time, but I felt like I was meant to make an even bigger impact. I remember attending a women’s conference in Fargo, North Dakota in August of 2014. I was watching a woman on stage and thinking, “WOW, how amazing to be able to make an impact on these thousands of women?!” I asked my friend sitting next to me if she ever felt like she was meant to make a big impact like that on the world? She said no. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I WAS meant to make an impact. I didn’t know how, or when, but I just felt like it was in my future. A year later I was introduced to something I simply wanted to try in hopes of feeling a little better. I had no idea the amazing changes in me would create a ripple effect of so many other people feeling better. It blows my mind now when I’m attending an event, and I look around the room and realize all the people in that room, who are sharing life changing stories, are doing so because I said yes to an opportunity. I still adore being home full time. I still want to be the one who kisses the ‘owies’ and finds the special blankets before bedtime. But I now get to do that AND talk with people EVERYDAY who are now a part of my life thanks to my business. I get to see other mamas having more time with their kids and hear about families having opportunities they didn’t have before this journey started. And I get to know that my girls are growing up watching their mama not only be home and present in their daily lives, but also out chasing her dream and sharing her passion. So, I might have felt like I lost myself for a few years there, and I might not have even known ‘who’ I was looking for… but the woman I found, the woman I have become, is awesome. I am a mama, I am a wife, I am a daughter of The King, I am an entrepreneur, I am a friend, and I am a woman helping other people live the life they deserve.